213

Your

Your accurate scaffolding

your positive rapport

your admirable frame of mind

everything we seem to have now;

everything but your body

I dunno connect with it.

I cannot reach it,

Something has been modified,

I'm so sorry, love.

211

Rainy Saturday night

I finally fet off the bus

that it's raining I realise;

but to be honest I don't mind.

"Changes", by A$AP Rocky,

the track being played;

I've noticed these differences,

both internally and externally

evident, not hiding at all -

I assume what it's going on,

to wear a mask I say "no more",

cold water do I contemplate

I smile at raindrops,

my mouth immediately opens,

my tongue eager to participate -

I want to drink the whole cloud

soaking wet, dunno hesitate

this precious, fresh nectar

I urgently need to taste.

209

Take a look

Sunshine

first thing in the morning

catch a glimpse of the sunlight

rays not entering yet.

Body

first thing in my bed

catch a glimpse of my body shape

my skin still there, invisible.

Take a look ar myself in the mirror

take a look at my body after August

take a look at this envelope

had to take a selfie

I had been exaggerating

got the wrong picture in Winter

for am I so beautiful.

208

Eight five

Now it is wight five
the day almost over
on my way home I am
and it is with a wide smile
that I claim to be sober.

Making an effort
not to evade, omit
is such a hard task
for this soul of mine
for me to succeed in.

207

Line

Walking the fine line

between what is right

and what seems to be wrong,

lack of stability

when everything is moving

as though it were magical,

your appearance is magnificent -

little sparkling bulbs,

everything fine.

Blood pressure,

body temperature,

all but real life.

206

Dreams

I dream upon my pillow

below it there's a slip of paper

containing both words and rhymes

I can be well defined

as the authorised version

of a very similar person

not outward looking

into a thousand pieces splittering,

sometimes crying in torment

though only when necessary.

With this sould of mine

this human being began

paradigmatic relations establishing

just as Saussure does

with linguistic systems,

though this time in real life

through paratextual quotes in poems

which are as different

as alike they are.

204

Steps #2

Escaping,

making my way out,

running away from the past -

a sensible idea.

Acknowledging,

recognising the sequence,

admitting errors, failure -

all part of the process.

Reading,

improving my demeanour,

revising naughty irreverence,

throwing up worthlessness -

second nature?

I hope not.

203

Eternity

After such a long year

making an effort to leave

to finally close that curtain

for once and all say it's over

to now read this message

inviting me to carefully listen

unable to remotely cope with

unable to fully comprehens

all a past life knocking at my door.

Now it's compressed, called "art",

now everywhere being sung,

now everyone their head bang,

whilst I still remember clearly

the night that song was born.

202

Numbers

A thousand people,

a hundred contacts,

a dozen friends,

only one you

beaming on my orbit.

Because I am aware

of the person I have become

of whom I wish to share

my whole being, my lifetime;

this contradiction bag

I have delicately grown

as seeds of my plant.

Would you like to go on

being my signifier,

my meaningful number?

201

Atmosphere

Soon after having floated on air

am I sure of what I urgently need -

is to have a short, brief break,

a brief break from the fact

that you're too far away;

that some days it happens

that non-physical distance

would stand for as a breath of fresh air

for these burning lungs of mine,

absolutely fed up with the wait

for this ridiculuous time difference

to be somehow shortened

because of the unbearable lack of touches

because of the paralinguistic being scarce

because of the intanglible being none.

200

Nothingness

Sometimes it is nothingness,
sometimes all of it.
Chaos aligning just in time,
rounded stones thrown.
I read the blurry signs
one minute before floating
like rounded bubbles I go up;
yet so afraid of missing this.
I ironically smile,
advising not to be underappreciated
as I let go in complete fear
of exchanging love for red lights.
Which shall it be the result?
At least I can mention
that I am still alive
this moment to witness
among constellations shining.

199

Horizontal

On a horizontal line

lain on a grass mattress

do I keep an eye

whilst wrapped up by the stars.

Now, immobile, petrified

on this spot I endlessly sigh
yearning for understanding,
comprehending what's going on.

A battery of tests
turned out to be life -
routines, health, love
of all do I pretend to care.

On a horizontal line
lain on a grass mattress
do I seem to slowly die,
die to meet you tonight.

198

Maintenance

The daily maintenance,

this temple keeping up

with a healthy lifestyle

in order to prevent myself

from making more mistakes

in order to forgive myself

for the inflicted damage.

In no sense whatsoever

does this have to do with pride,

or fake smiles back,

but with accepting, correcting

who matter of factly I am,

on deeper levels I wish to connect,

to foster meaning relations

so as to grow up.

197

Steady

No steady path to follow,

yet I  find it easy

to follow you footsteps

we're covered in mud, I know,

and the path path turns blurry.

Mud turns into quicksand,

will we this hindrance overcome?

I'm all for it, let's give it a try,

I'm all for us.

Let's save ourselves

before concrete we become,

for is it a way better idea

than in a lime kiln getting burnt.

194

Venus

Frozen sculptures melt down,

after having waited for a while

until she notices her being

lavishly staring at that structure,

closely contemplating her moves,

in dreams am I undressing you.

No one knows this, none;

only two to be honest,

a treasured secret shall I keep,

indeed it will unless you give me a kiss.

192

Desencanto

Tus ojos no pueden ser el sol,

el día se torna nublado,

ya no recuerdo qué día es hoy,

todo acá huele a pasado.

Quiero escapar de este lugar,

descender del muro de mi lamentos,

quiero pensar que aún puedo,

que sobreponerse es cuestión de tiempo.

A veces es mi propio cuerpo

aquel que se ve tan vulnerable,

excede toda capacidad de habla

a cuentagotas me quita el aliento.

191

Mindset

The history of your being

it is compressed in your mindset

whilst your facial features

describe you in full detail

like rose petals for me you undress,

what can you perceive in me?

Do you notice each mole, shade,

my physical aspect, my orality,

how I deal with reality?

Neither do I wish to stop mentioning

all I represent, my natural beauty.

All in all, what is that you see?

Sometimes, quite often I wonder

if you examine this body

through the same lens I do

whenever I think of you.

190

Boundary

That boundary drawn

between the real and surreal -

as none of us can recognise the line,

this rollercoaster gives me nausea.

But, almost simultaneously

may I see all around our universes,

no one writes about us;

they only seem to read Bécquer -

such hypocrites

What if Bécquer were writing

right here, about this scenario,

in my own skin?

189

Beauty

Your highly inspiring beauty

it makes my rhymes crumble,

it provokes a sense of exhaustion for verses

as though words went trekking

there, completely alone in the jungle.

Whispering to me those words

I do encounter that raylight,

such mysterious guidelines.

Finally your name do I learn,

with you comes the how and when.

188

Sunny

The sun carefully placed

upon my bald head

in spite of the inability

feeling like reaching it looks real -

as if it were there

as if its only reason

as if its sole purpose

was to love me

was to provide me

with all of its energy

abundant powerful rays.

No extraordinary ssuperheroe

is able to be spotted here

this is just me, a sunrise lover

tenderly allowing the sun

to wake me up with a caress.

187

Monotones

I do not know exactly

where I should begin with;

I am fed up with myself,

I fucking destroy everything built.

Should I start, though a bit late,

with the precise instant

at which I let you escape?

Should I continue with that bullshit

of naughty pride and nothingness

everyone has heard of?

Should I put an end

to that infinite loop

of fake empathy and self love preached?

Neverending insensitive prose,

incesant "I's" pointing at my nose.

Honestly unsure about going on,

self pity does not work any longer.

186

Smell

Every single smell

inevitably reminds me

of you intangible chest;

every single moan

it is an echo

buzzing in the cold;

every single touch,

without a doubt triggers

that thought of the non materialised.

The eternal contradiction

of your (non) existing

it utterly drives me insane;

it is fever running through my veins,

it is beneath me eroding,

yet like lava violently erupting.

185

Gravity zero

Gravity zero has come to stay,

I ind out whilst I float.

Slowly moving back and forth,

even though nobody wishes to play.

Upwards and downwards do I move,

yet no one seems to really care,

I think they cannot bear

now activities doing,

repetitive, boring routines breaking.

Something urging to comprehend,

it is the need to connect with devices

instead of facing reality.

Then they try to convince me

not to believe in old tales

of girls in gravity zero floating.

184

Comeback

And then,

all of a sudden,

I decided to return.

The only plan,

the only purpose,

the only target

is to avoid another injury.

So conscious am I

of strengths and limitations,

yet unable to give up.

183

Observer

I am the peaceful observer,

the quiet passenger

in the midst, thunderstorms

of coming and going strangers.

Highly particular habits,

out of the ordinary obsessions,

youngsters like cheese and chalk.

Still eager to have a talk,

that tiny universe on wheels,

that special means of transport,

on a daily basis do I need.

182

Compass

From time to time

the evidence seems to indicate

everything is fine

everything is fun and games,

indeed are we cooled down.

Irrespectfully for others, though,

one another are we smiling,

yet damned reality bites

it is no man's land;

where is the compass?

181

Digitally

Your digital creepy voice

begiing some attention,

craving desperately for love

without a clear notion

of where to go

or how to make it stop.

The, I shut this down,

I forget about this stuff,

the intangible, for a while -

I begin to stretch out,

since no matter how hard I try

you are not around now.

I focus on the steps,

for I need my whole strength

on the tempo of the waltz;

on polishing my fifth,

the demi pliés, the soufflés -

I remind myself of the grace

when performing a relevé.

180

Okra

That flower not in bloom yet

and it is already in big trouble.

I might be wrong, I know,

but joining dots gets the elders nervous.

No one am I telling,

the huge compromise

of the third in question.

Upsetting who? Apprising what?

Oh please, better not chat.

Contradictory enough

feels alive by her side,

yet at the same time

isolation is the rule right now.

178

Art

Art is utterly painful,

I am kind of puzzled,

as to the agony, the price,

is it worth the effort?

It is only through perseverance,

strength and perseverance

what actually makes it great.

As a Greek thinker once said,

a virtue that with hard work

can only be attained.

Otherwise, and I take the credits

about this one

it is harmless fun

that in the long run

nobody will ever recall.

175

Mephistopheles II

How can such perfection

be successfully achieved

without contrasting colours?

I need that knowledge,

I need to know it all

for I've tried on my own,

yet nothing cool came out of it.

It has always been here

it has always been inside me

I am giving further information.

It is like distinct music notes

representing a multiversal soul;

like shades and shadows,

wild paintbrushes on a white wall.

174

Coldness

The weather's so cold

I'd better put on a coat.

Nontheless, it is widely known

that my earnest desire now

is to get intimate with your soul;

that what I crave for in fact

is our wildest dreams to surpass.

Where is meditation?

Shall we meet tonight?

I'll be here, waiting,

I've got plenty of time.

173

Engine working

The use of rhyme

or the lack of it

may help you identify

the way I am feeling

at present time.

|

|

Can't you be more beautiful?

Can't my iris have some rest?

Every time your feet you move

a powerful earthqueake take place.

More and more do I need from you,
I urge to witness everything you do.
I am that quiet observer there,
the one you do not even notice.

If only you stopped acting nice,
if only you stopped making jokes,
I guess I cannot take it anymore
you drive me insane, love.

Sorry, I know it sounds strange,
you may not have realised yet
I am not supposed to like a girl,
you are making me question it again.

172

Natural talent

I don't really believe

I've got a nature talent,

I don't consider myself

to be a gifted woman.

I think in fact am I unsure

who it get too dark.

But let's picture this for a while:

me taking part of a writing contest,

making everyone believe

that I'm outstanding poet...

it sounds hilarious, right?

So never take my seriously,

as someone unable to handle real life,

how could I a writer become?

I only set some lines,

like in Tetris do I place rhymes;

I give you special binoculars

for you to see through my eyes.

170

Blurry Hollogram

What kind of blurry hollogram

have I become recently?

Quite vaguely can I describe

why I feel so contradictory.

What am I now certain to solve

is the physical change going on;

this kind of manifesto

of my utter, true intentions.

Not anymore am I sure

of what I really want,

and to be brutally honest

no other choice have I got.

Maybe the glass is half empty,

maybe all I see is negativity.

What concerns me most

is, however, happen to hurt them all.

To  all the people I know,

to the nearest and dearest

to this puzzled heart of mine.

Peace of mind, please here land.

169

Distant Monday

Throughout a distant Monday

the main topic arises,

the topic seems to have appeared -

the question of self love

of self sufficiency

all about being needy;

all about amends making.

Barely may I recognise

from a relatively short distance

the flute of the future,

and needless to say,

may I look back to the flame

of the recent past gates.

I self diagnose vertigo,

every second a heavy stone

a bit more must I push forward.

Where is the axis

for a peaceful existence?

Every time I firmly claim

to have come up with a clear notion,

or a steady Bible to follow

an even fiercer storm

is just around the corner.

So sudden the angst,

a scorch does my skin perceive.

A freezing cold breeze

my hair so abruptly ruffles,

and it turns into resistan fur,

it allows Darwin, consequently,

to boast about his theory.

Although the psychic hurricane

has pulverised all strength,

has weakened all possibilities

of once again rebuilding

or even about me caring

I am still working hard,

for either me or anyone

who might want to come around.

Naked do I hug myself,

indefensively do I touch myself,

checking if there is no missing part,

checking if I am a survivor

of this unequal battle.