173

Engine working

The use of rhyme

or the lack of it

may help you identify

the way I am feeling

at present time.

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Can't you be more beautiful?

Can't my iris have some rest?

Every time your feet you move

a powerful earthqueake take place.

More and more do I need from you,
I urge to witness everything you do.
I am that quiet observer there,
the one you do not even notice.

If only you stopped acting nice,
if only you stopped making jokes,
I guess I cannot take it anymore
you drive me insane, love.

Sorry, I know it sounds strange,
you may not have realised yet
I am not supposed to like a girl,
you are making me question it again.

172

Natural talent

I don't really believe

I've got a nature talent,

I don't consider myself

to be a gifted woman.

I think in fact am I unsure

who it get too dark.

But let's picture this for a while:

me taking part of a writing contest,

making everyone believe

that I'm outstanding poet...

it sounds hilarious, right?

So never take my seriously,

as someone unable to handle real life,

how could I a writer become?

I only set some lines,

like in Tetris do I place rhymes;

I give you special binoculars

for you to see through my eyes.

170

Blurry Hollogram

What kind of blurry hollogram

have I become recently?

Quite vaguely can I describe

why I feel so contradictory.

What am I now certain to solve

is the physical change going on;

this kind of manifesto

of my utter, true intentions.

Not anymore am I sure

of what I really want,

and to be brutally honest

no other choice have I got.

Maybe the glass is half empty,

maybe all I see is negativity.

What concerns me most

is, however, happen to hurt them all.

To  all the people I know,

to the nearest and dearest

to this puzzled heart of mine.

Peace of mind, please here land.

169

Distant Monday

Throughout a distant Monday

the main topic arises,

the topic seems to have appeared -

the question of self love

of self sufficiency

all about being needy;

all about amends making.

Barely may I recognise

from a relatively short distance

the flute of the future,

and needless to say,

may I look back to the flame

of the recent past gates.

I self diagnose vertigo,

every second a heavy stone

a bit more must I push forward.

Where is the axis

for a peaceful existence?

Every time I firmly claim

to have come up with a clear notion,

or a steady Bible to follow

an even fiercer storm

is just around the corner.

So sudden the angst,

a scorch does my skin perceive.

A freezing cold breeze

my hair so abruptly ruffles,

and it turns into resistan fur,

it allows Darwin, consequently,

to boast about his theory.

Although the psychic hurricane

has pulverised all strength,

has weakened all possibilities

of once again rebuilding

or even about me caring

I am still working hard,

for either me or anyone

who might want to come around.

Naked do I hug myself,

indefensively do I touch myself,

checking if there is no missing part,

checking if I am a survivor

of this unequal battle.

168

Newness

You all of a sudden got me

constantly thinking of you -

your pale skin,

your traumatised neck,

your electric gaze;

it is because of you

that I can believe

in the dreadful human race.

If only could I be there,

neverending stories being chased

as at each other we stare

as we madly in love we fall.

I just cannot, cannot help it -

our branches effortlessly intertwining

our foreigner roots already colliding,

and long before we knew,

our souls interested in meeting up,

unintendedly harder than we could

making it through day and night,

incessantly beginning to demistify.

167

Experience

You are still you

unless you lose yourself

and begin living

under your own rules,

when not caring any longer,

only in other people's skin

when it is necessary.

165

Pale complexion

He had a pale complexion,

as he resembled full moon -

paperlike whiteness, though fragile.

Everywhen we met up

soon after that early preview

we dated three days

carefully glancing at each other

we could then notice

a small fire being lightened.

How was I supposed

to forget those headphones,

that strong parfum

in which I foresaw

our future vaticinated?

This sounds a bit unscrambled.

However, it is the sequence of events,

the events I describe;

the lack of order,

the abundance of desire,

how we began liking,

how we began learning

every day from each other.

164

Foggy

Though that foggy dirty little glass

do I take notice of your peeping.

As I wander around the forest

don't you dare to come over;

you just stare still and wonder

when you'll get the perfect chance

to catch a glimpse of my naked body.

Hey, but you need not worry;

babe, you already got me.

No one makes me feel like you,

is it all day you what I yearn to do.

There's no moment matter of factly

I stop imagining you scent in the morning,

the colour, the texture of your touching me,

how I would shiver were our hands

at last happen to meet up.

So don't you miss the chance,

though it feels flatered to be observed,

I'd like to go a bit forward.

step out of the window now.

Come out and join me today,

let's explore unknown lands

together, hand in hand.

163

Nymphs

I break the laws of gravity

Geronimo can't jump now,

and as Newton astonishingly watches

I meet those beautiful nymphs,

they take me, we fly to their house.

They are harmonically singing,

I like where this is going.

I'm eating their tunes out.

Now they so loudly laugh,

they so romantically moan.

Quite abruptly, though, then

the alarm clock yells.

162

Exfoliation

Exfoliation

as if all problems

were magically solved

by just taking

dead creatures off,

by just removing

some of my dirt,
as if by that means

the wound that hurts

were a spot to extirpate.

Yet am I incapable

of getting that done;

who am I fooling?

I still miss your touch,

your tender caress,

your thuthful smile,

your lovely green eyes

when you're not around.

Why is it even today

so hard to say goodbye?

only to find out

that it's just me in bed,

in fact, nostalgia and I.

When will it come that day,

that liberation day,

when I finally put an end,

not a dash but a final stop;

then that big box

with your name on

is finally locked out?

I hope it will happen

soon after this poem

is released as a sort of prayer

so as to prevent that film,

those repeated scenes,

that well known script

from going on and on.

161

Downward spiral

Again a downward spiral

of possible maybes,

of thoughts and illusion,

of everything supposedly

having been buried down.

I had once said no,

no more involvement,

no more silly ideas in my head,

no more stupid mistakes -

yet am I still so childlike.

What should I believe in?

How should I proceed?

When will I finally learn

from the bitter, sour taste

of previous life events?

160

Important

I could fill your deserted landscape

with delicate daffodils and violets

and slowly grow them in profusion.

I could express myself with pompous terms,

for each emotion accurate metaphors provide,

and explain the ambiguous chaos of our worlds.

But none of those things in fact matter,

to waste my time in search of phones and words,

not if it is impossible for me to hear you coming.

Please, slowly approach here,

to this holy, precious spot,

dunno make me yell anymore.

Come, smell my spring flowers,

come, settle in my autumnal garden,

come, I long to become your lover.

Embrace the unique opportunity

to make it to the unattainable ideal

to turn this utopia into something real.

Let's witness sparkling little light bulbs

so timidly shining in pitch dark;

let's give ourselves this special chance.

159

Anachronic

Anachronic messages

from a distant star;

yes, it resides quite far

far away from home.

Are we well aware

of the situation right now?

I'd like to live at present time

right there, where you are.