82

Steps

Now the first step I need to take
is acknowledging the fact that a problem remains,
is admitting these obstacles have been for too long,
and that it's a time bomb when ignored.

What's next is the second step,
the one towards complete rebirth,
might be that of saying sorry for past mistakes,
and make amends with myself.

Gaining confidence in the terrain
might well the third step represent -
it is indeed extremelly necessary to be brave
and against all odds your view prevail.

I don't mean to expose this as a universal law
never in these lines have I intended to do so,
but I'm quite certain, that's for sure,
the turns taken so far were driving me to a civil war.

81

Problem solving

The greatest issue relying here
is not the quesion of problem solving,
but of how to get me outside that circle
of confinement and self loathing.

Some days I'm so afraid of living,
some others I just yearn for evading
those nasty things that, unluckily,
I can't still get rid of from myself.

All that toxic energy,
all those bad vibes around
maybe should I translate into rhyme,
maybe should I grow more beautiful.

The need to slowly this situation revert
is for me too difficult to get
because I'm well aware
many structural changes must be made.

80

Overthinking #2

Meditation comes in all shapes and sizes

for life to be fully expressed,

but is hard to harmonise body and mind,

and sometimes they need some aid.

The more I seem to try,

the more I seem to fail.

Whenever I'm eager to go back

to a particular time and space.

I wish I could turn my head off,

I wish there were some leisure time for my soul!

Overthinking quite often deprives me

from the wonderful art of spontaneity.

Let's shut that system down,

let's leave fear behind,

let me at least for tonight

get some peace of mind.

How busy should I be

so as to forget pondeing shit around me?

Maybe it's a matter of time

until once again I get on track.

When here shit gets dark

there's only me, myself and I -

I thus become my worst enemy,

and, contradictory enough, my effect remedy.

Whenever my true colours are shown

a voice range can be perceived,

but only those dear and near who know

do rarely forget how to proceed.

They are used to tell some jokes,

they also tend to ignore

that grey cloud of disgusting vomit

always spinning around my orbit.

79

Overthinking #1

It all comes back to the same state;

why can't I quit thinking for a quick,

and let life flow without any concern?

Sometimes I'm just sick and tired of myself;

I feel like overthinking is my biggest mistake,

I feel like all I believe in I'm losing faith.

I never seem to learn:

why do I excessively care

when everybody seems not to give a shit?

78

Rattlesnake

She's always been a rattlesnake

every day crawling everywhere,

craving for love under the stars

then asking for some space and time.

She understand he's quite odd,

she gets it's him

who needs some time off,

but she's already melt down,

having waited for a sign.

Perhaps he won't call her back,

perhaps that's not been a smart move

to just sit and hold in line

perhaps it is her

who should have listened to you firstly.

Some dreams had predicted this,

some advisores had warned it;

that day was already announced

by the supermoon that arose

despite everything, she misunderstood it.

75

Everything / Nothing

I'm my soaking wet reality,

there's no one to fantasise about.

I'm a bag of sensuality,

there's no one here now.

I'm full of myself,

there's emptiness outside my radar.

I'm full of self-sex,

there's a lack of human nectar.

74

Motives

Some people certainly state

it is love the inner force

behind every step we make.

Well, I disagree, I'm afraid

as in my particular case

not always does it happen that way.

Rarely does mankind act

listening to their hearts.

but only to be taken into account.

73

Stop

Let's stop this

let's cut out the bond

you don't want a fake smile,

and neither do I.

Incredible as it seems,

that was pretty short.

Now my hears every day bleeds

it's sick, but not for too long.

For you I only feel pity,

but that's not worth it

motherly love is not enough

it's not what you deserve.

69

Nothing

Nothing I look at

seems as appealing

as you actually are.

Nothing I matter of factly do

appears to represent itself

as nice and sexy as you.

Nothing I do care about

can be, to be honest, found

outside your sight.

64

Today #2

Today...

today is a new day,

today is a new day to find yourself

today is a new day to meditate

upon your heavy wieghts.

Today is a new day to celebrate

with your dearest family and friends.

Today...

today I will celebrate with you

because you're looking forward to

all bad things undo,

and start life anew...

but everything is up to you,

and if you believe it today,

then it will happen for sure...

make it true.

62

Pain

It is your pain that I can feel,

it is why your mind cannot find peace.

I wish I could help you,

I wish I were caressing you.

I feel so useless now

now that I know you're suffering,

now that I know you're bleeding.

If only it were just a simple cough.

59

Here

Here...

in the pages I read,

you're always here.

in the songs I endlessly repeat

you're always here.

But,

is there a place you're not?

I don't think so...

perhaps the thing is

you're physically been here before

some time ago.

I know I'm wrong

to think that vengeance

is a synonym of justice.

But it's in extraordinary cases

that a feeling of satisfaction overwhelms me.

58

Innermost

My innermost treasure is art,

and I've just begun to understand that.

My innermost threat is spiritual death,

aware that I could be close to the edge.

My innermost fear is getting lost

and how originality is being stolen at any cost.